This article is two-fold.
The old saying “Working on or at love” and the idea of work (as a
profession) and the concept of love.
I would like to start with the former.
The saying that one has to work on love, or rather more aptly work at
loving someone…
This is a concept that I have always heard of but never understood.
What does it really mean?
My latest epiphany is that one does not really work on love. Love
exists and is a lot of times unexpected.
You don’t have to work on the “love” part itself, that will be there.
What you do have to work on, is the little things concerning love.
In my personal life, this means paying attention to the other person
and what they are saying. It means remembering the small details and important
dates.
This is something that does not happen easily for me. I believe that
the human race is self-centered and the main driving force for us is survival.
This doesn’t mean we are the old “hunter gatherers” from times of old. But we
do want to live better, and we drive ourselves forward with this in mind. A lot
of us will do this for another person. By getting a better job, you can support
your family more easily. But in a sense we are doing it for ourselves. We are
selfish.
But by doing something for someone else, not because you should, but
because you can… now that is “working” on love…
By remembering little details and commenting on them later, by spending
time with that person and not being distracted by Tv, or you phone… that is “working”
on love.
By finding out what the other person likes to eat, and surprising them
with it… its these little things that make a big difference in how your
relationship will grow.
Now this goes hand in hand with another topic for me, and one that I am
guilty of.
We are all in an age driven by our careers. Work for a lot of us has
become an all-consuming thing, with standard work hours ranging from 8-14 hours
a day. With these hours comes the stress of performance, and this also brings
about another phenomenon… You tend not to switch off and bring your work home
with you.
I must admit that I am guilty of this. All your problems and stress go
home with you and becomes the topic of discussion for the next couple of hours…
If this happens enough, then you end up complaining about work to the other
person in your life, and you are perceived as negative. To the point where the
other person dreads you coming home, because “what went wrong today and what is
the next complaint about”.
Even if you do not do this, you still end up worrying about work and
your workload for the next day. Which is a distraction and you are not being
attentive to your loved ones. The stress of work will affect your mood at home
too. Your emotions will not be conducive to a loving environment, and if your
significant other is attentive, they will pick up on it.
The solution is easy, but hard to maintain. You need to leave work at
work. Once you get home you are in a safe space that exists outside of work and
should be spent with loved ones. Even if you need to get a punching bag or a
form of sport to work out all your stress first, before you enjoy the company
of your loved ones, then do it.
A lot to think about, and a lot of changes may need to happen to bring
this about…
But if you take it one day at a time, and concentrate on only getting
it right for that day, it will eventually become habit and your home life will
be much easier… for you and your loved ones.
