Parental Illusions

Topic for today is on parenting.

For those who know me, I am not a parent. But I have been around friends and family long enough to form my own opinion on the subject of parenting.

To get to the point I am trying to make today I have to tell a little story first.

I was lucky enough to spend a weekend recently with a dear friend. This friend has a little 6 year old. During the weekend I was able to closely watch the interaction between parent and child, and also the interaction of the grandparents and child / grand-child. It is fascinating to watch how a six year old child can grasp the nature of adult interactions, and the conclusions they come to. The things that children say are priceless, and you start suspecting that they aren’t as clueless as most people think. All of this was fascinating, but the best is to see the trust they have in their family. And yes I am talking about the whole “trust fall” scenario, but it is more than that. When they are sad or hurt, they will immediately go to a parent, who they know will comfort them. There is no doubt in their minds that this parent will comfort them. I am lucky enough to have had this growing up, and even more so that I had two parents who did this for me.

On to the next amazing thing that happened over the span of three days. I have seen and interacted with the child in question over the last couple of months, but it was always limited. But being around someone for a couple of days in a row will obviously change the way you interact and react to another person. What was astounding and frightening at the same time was the trust that built up over the course of the three days. From not really knowing a person to laughing and joking, even playing in the pool, to comforting when hurt. This is what life is about.

On to my own personal feelings about this. The three days made me realise two things. The first is that I now know that I want to be a father. Watching the daily interactions between parent and child is mesmerizing. And yes, I am including the temper tantrums, the difficulties when they are naughty, or tired and grumpy, not just the happy times. All of the interactions are what forms a young mind, keeps them open to new ideas.  The fact that I am now for all intents and purposes single again makes having a child a bit problematic. But it is something that can be rectified by consciously deciding to date again, and eventually (hopefully) fall in love again and move on with life.

The second realisation requires more background. If you haven’t picked up on this yet, the friend in question is divorced. The father has visitation rights to the child. And this is where I am saddened. Why when you have brought a child into this world, and have so many amazing opportunities to learn and grow with your child, would you choose not to spend every waking moment with that child?

I understand that there are circumstances in life that prevent this from happening, but when you have a chance to be with your child, don’t leave them with family and go out with friends. It’s a small amount of time spent with the child that will help them form the relationship bonds that they require as children. The bonds that will teach them what selfless love is.

I am not a parent, so maybe I have no right to say anything, but this is my opinion for what its worth.