Inter relationship power sturggles

My topics all seem to flow into each other. And this is purely because of how I perceive my surroundings and how I learn more every day.

So today’s experience / lesson is about how we change for another person.

I have made some new friends in the last couple of months, and watching their interactions with loved ones has given me a new perspective on relationships.

Why is it that one person will always back down from a fight?

Why is it that one person will change their thinking and the way they react for another person?

Does it mean that person loves the other more? I think not. I think you get two types of people in a relationship. The people pleasers and the rocks.

Please note that this is an over simplification, and that there are many variants, but for the purposes of this blog, I am focusing on what I think are the two main personalities.

Silverjade, who has helped me understand the intricacies of relationships and has helped me through a lot of life changes, will hopefully agree with me.

Firstly, the rocks:

They are the immovable objects. They end up usually being the “rock” in the relationship. For them to be the rock, they cannot waiver. They cannot go back on any decisions or choices. That would show weakness and a flaw in the rock. It will damage the relationship because the foundation (rock) isn’t strong enough to support both people.

The rocks are normally the ones that do not falter, and appear to be strong at all times. You will never see them show wild emotions. Everything is always controlled.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am saying that these people are needed at times, and I don’t want it to sound like they are emotionless creatures that want to dominate at all times. This is not the case, and I suspect that they are vulnerable at times and also prone to self-doubt.

Secondly, the people pleasers:

I myself fall under this category. You feel that you would do anything to make the people around you happy, and even more so for the one you love. The problem with this attitude is you end up molding yourself around the other person’s life. You become what they need you to be. Or at least what you think they need you to be. While you are becoming what you think is needed in the relationship, you end up losing yourself. I know, I have done this before. And in doing so, the other person invariably falls out of love with you, because you are not the person that they once met.

Losing yourself for the sake of another is the biggest mistake one can make.

These blogs are my journey back to becoming myself, after a relationship where I changed. Where I thought I was being what the relationship and the other person needed.

Again, don’t misunderstand, as I am sure some of you reading will see the pleasers as weak willed and always bending to other peoples wills. Not true. We choose to change for the better of a relationship. We are like a young sapling tree, still able to twist and bend in the wind. But definitely not weak.

Now for my opinion on this subject, and my solution.

I think that society has forced us to fit into these roles, as this is the “norm” and how we should deal with everyday life.

We either have to be the rocks, or the pleasers.

I say no. Be perfectly you. Be the only thing you can be.

You.

Be the rock at times, be the pleaser when it is required. But be yourself. That way both parties in the relationship can support each other and be a unit that can grow in love. That no challenge can’t be overcome by working together.

By changing this one dynamic in a relationship, there is no more power struggle. No one will have to hold the relationship up, and no one will have to  change who they are in the relationship.