I will give you my all...
Do we really understand what that means?
This has always been a simple phrase in my mind, one that makes sense in a relationship that is serious. It simply means that you will try and work hard everyday to be the person the significant other needs. You will be there for them, laugh with them, cry with them... you get the point...
But with age comes a bit more wisdom, and I finally understand what this means. And also with a bit of help from Silverjade for spiritual and life guidance.
It really does mean you will give them everything.
The first part of what I said is still true, you will be everything for that other person. But giving everything also has a dark side. It means they get all your bad habits too, all your foul mood days. You will obviously try to be as nice as possible at all times, but everyone has an off day now and then. So that means the significant other gets that too.
Now I really suggest that you only commit to this level in a serious relationship, commit to the point of giving the other person your all. If you are lucky, and so few of us are, you will find your soul mate. The one person that will accept who you are. Really accept all of who you are. If that happens, you don't need to be changing yourself to be the person the other needs. You can just be you. And that is good enough for the other.
And with this level of acceptance comes a deeper understanding of true love. A love where you are free. Free to be and do what you want, and in return letting the other person be who they are meant to be. And with this freedom comes a sense of belonging. a sense that you are both free but choose the other person to share your life with.
"I will give you my all" is a lot deeper than I originally thought, and hopefully some day all my readers can feel this feeling of giving all you have to another... the good, the bad... everything.
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fear. Show all posts
Tuesday, 24 March 2015
Thursday, 19 February 2015
Faith and Fear
In a new relationship everything is shiny and new. You are in a dreamworld where everything is hazed out by your new found feelings. But after a couple of weeks your own insecurities start showing.
You start seeing things a little differently. You worry about what the other person really thinks of you, and if you are good enough.
This has been part of my past experiences.
I have over simplified the statement above to get to the point. Even if you do feel good enough, but you have other insecurities, the cracks will start showing. This is what everyone calls "baggage".
These are you your own problems and fears that you carry around with you.
And from what I have seen it manifests in the strangest ways. For instance, you could feel like you are sharing everything about yourself with a soul-mate, but it might feel like the other person isn't sharing with you. I suspect that the sharing happens in both directions, and that you manifest your own fear of rejection onto the other person. Fear of sharing and not being accepted. Fear of opening too much and getting hurt.
In most relationships we are in, or see around us, there is a common denominator. People are never talking enough, there is not enough communication. And I dont mean the standard run of the mill chats with friends and loved ones. I mean honest talk about how we really feel. And I suspect it all comes down to fear. What someone else will think of you if you open up.
Silverjade once told me that one can not grow in fear, but only in faith.
And in this sense I do not mean faith as in religion, but blind faith in yourself in in another person that things will turn out the way they should. I am talking about trust in this sense too. If a child jumps from a table into you arms with their eyes closed, they trust that you will catch them. But that trust runs deeper then that, it is a blind faith that no matter what, you will catch them.
This is what we should be like ion a new relationship. You should have blind faith that the other person will catch you. You should have blind faith that the other person is going to be there, and be there for you no matter what. You should have blind faith that your love is reciprocated.
And most importantly you should have blind faith in yourself. You should know that you are worthy having around. You should know that the other person, as important as they are, is not as important as yourself. It is easy to "lose" yourself in a new relationship. And in that you lose yourself. Stay true to who you are. If you have fears about something, talk about it and share the fear. In talking about it the fear will most probably disappear. If you fear that the "bubble" is going to burst, that the other person will all of a sudden change their mind, remember faith. Trust the other person with your fall.
And always remember, Grow in faith, not fear.
Be yourself at all times.
You start seeing things a little differently. You worry about what the other person really thinks of you, and if you are good enough.
This has been part of my past experiences.
I have over simplified the statement above to get to the point. Even if you do feel good enough, but you have other insecurities, the cracks will start showing. This is what everyone calls "baggage".
These are you your own problems and fears that you carry around with you.
And from what I have seen it manifests in the strangest ways. For instance, you could feel like you are sharing everything about yourself with a soul-mate, but it might feel like the other person isn't sharing with you. I suspect that the sharing happens in both directions, and that you manifest your own fear of rejection onto the other person. Fear of sharing and not being accepted. Fear of opening too much and getting hurt.
In most relationships we are in, or see around us, there is a common denominator. People are never talking enough, there is not enough communication. And I dont mean the standard run of the mill chats with friends and loved ones. I mean honest talk about how we really feel. And I suspect it all comes down to fear. What someone else will think of you if you open up.
Silverjade once told me that one can not grow in fear, but only in faith.
And in this sense I do not mean faith as in religion, but blind faith in yourself in in another person that things will turn out the way they should. I am talking about trust in this sense too. If a child jumps from a table into you arms with their eyes closed, they trust that you will catch them. But that trust runs deeper then that, it is a blind faith that no matter what, you will catch them.
This is what we should be like ion a new relationship. You should have blind faith that the other person will catch you. You should have blind faith that the other person is going to be there, and be there for you no matter what. You should have blind faith that your love is reciprocated.
And most importantly you should have blind faith in yourself. You should know that you are worthy having around. You should know that the other person, as important as they are, is not as important as yourself. It is easy to "lose" yourself in a new relationship. And in that you lose yourself. Stay true to who you are. If you have fears about something, talk about it and share the fear. In talking about it the fear will most probably disappear. If you fear that the "bubble" is going to burst, that the other person will all of a sudden change their mind, remember faith. Trust the other person with your fall.
And always remember, Grow in faith, not fear.
Be yourself at all times.
Sunday, 8 February 2015
Future Fluid
There are no guarantees in life.
This is the topic I would like to cover today. From past experience and present situations, I have come up with this conclusion, as many other have.
Life will always throw us curve balls. Most of us don't like it, because it changes the path we are on, and we have to make difficult decisions. We also then have to accept that we are not really in control of our destiny, and as humans, we rebel against that.
We always plan these perfect futures. You decide to immigrate, and your whole world revolves around that decision. You decide to go for a new job, a new house, a better car... All the decision you make are based on the goal you have in mind. And then life hits you with that good 'ole curve ball.
So, what do you do?
I know what I tend to do most often then not... I run and hide.
Like a little girl that is scared of the dark. And that is normal. We all fear change to some extent.
But you know what? Plans change daily for everyone. Imagine it didn't though. That would make for a very boring world and life.
So, lets change (again, something we don't like) the way we think. Take a risk on a new path.
And here is where I get to my point. For anyone out there in a new relationship, this might be good advice I learnt.
Neither person can guarantee that they wont hurt the other person. Again, we don't know what the future holds. Neither can guarantee a specific future. If one person was planning to move to another city, and love hits them full in the face, they might change their mind. I know I would. I would reconsider my entire future I had mapped out for a chance at love. Why isn't that future still a possibility to some extent? Maybe it includes the new person in your life, and maybe the plan you had will be so much better for it.
Neither person can guarantee that the new relationship will last forever. We all know the divorce rate statistics nowadays. I have an opinion about that too, but that will have to be an entire blog on its own.
But one thing that can be promised, is the fact that both can try to be the best that they are. Not the best for the other person, as that would change them and invariably destroy the relationship. But just be themselves to the best of their abilities.
Be an awesome partner in crime. Someone who will be your rock, so that you can be the ground beneath. Both taking on responsibilities and sharing everything.
Both can be honest at all times.
Both can believe that trying is better than giving up on a possible, yet frightening new future. Not the future you had planned, but the future that will possibly enhance your life.
With this insight, we usually also find our self doubt. The little voice that says "I am not good enough, I am not pretty enough. What happens if I get hurt again?"
If you are one of these people, and I assume there are a lot out t here, then know the following:
You have been hurt before, and you survived. your track record for surviving is 100%. Also know that the other person is also taking the same risks, and most probably has the same fears.
As far as looks and intellect goes, that is simple to answer. The other person has most probably shown interest in some form or another. That should tell you that they like you (maybe even more than like) the way you are. Something in you has already attracted them to you.
And looking at "being good enough"? I have no real insight here, as up until recently I have felt that I could never be good enough for someone else. But Silverjade has helped me understand that by being who you are, truly being you, you will be good enough. By being perfectly you, the term being good enough no longer applies, as you are good enough on your own, and for yourself.
In the end, these are in my humble opinion, still just elements in our fear of the unknown and of the change. The change where we cannot see the ending.
I am still struggling with this fear, and learning to cope with it, and accept the changes I cannot control. And accept the changes that might enhance my life, with the risk of being let down.
This is the topic I would like to cover today. From past experience and present situations, I have come up with this conclusion, as many other have.
Life will always throw us curve balls. Most of us don't like it, because it changes the path we are on, and we have to make difficult decisions. We also then have to accept that we are not really in control of our destiny, and as humans, we rebel against that.
We always plan these perfect futures. You decide to immigrate, and your whole world revolves around that decision. You decide to go for a new job, a new house, a better car... All the decision you make are based on the goal you have in mind. And then life hits you with that good 'ole curve ball.
So, what do you do?
I know what I tend to do most often then not... I run and hide.
Like a little girl that is scared of the dark. And that is normal. We all fear change to some extent.
But you know what? Plans change daily for everyone. Imagine it didn't though. That would make for a very boring world and life.
So, lets change (again, something we don't like) the way we think. Take a risk on a new path.
And here is where I get to my point. For anyone out there in a new relationship, this might be good advice I learnt.
Neither person can guarantee that they wont hurt the other person. Again, we don't know what the future holds. Neither can guarantee a specific future. If one person was planning to move to another city, and love hits them full in the face, they might change their mind. I know I would. I would reconsider my entire future I had mapped out for a chance at love. Why isn't that future still a possibility to some extent? Maybe it includes the new person in your life, and maybe the plan you had will be so much better for it.
Neither person can guarantee that the new relationship will last forever. We all know the divorce rate statistics nowadays. I have an opinion about that too, but that will have to be an entire blog on its own.
But one thing that can be promised, is the fact that both can try to be the best that they are. Not the best for the other person, as that would change them and invariably destroy the relationship. But just be themselves to the best of their abilities.
Be an awesome partner in crime. Someone who will be your rock, so that you can be the ground beneath. Both taking on responsibilities and sharing everything.
Both can be honest at all times.
Both can believe that trying is better than giving up on a possible, yet frightening new future. Not the future you had planned, but the future that will possibly enhance your life.
With this insight, we usually also find our self doubt. The little voice that says "I am not good enough, I am not pretty enough. What happens if I get hurt again?"
If you are one of these people, and I assume there are a lot out t here, then know the following:
You have been hurt before, and you survived. your track record for surviving is 100%. Also know that the other person is also taking the same risks, and most probably has the same fears.
As far as looks and intellect goes, that is simple to answer. The other person has most probably shown interest in some form or another. That should tell you that they like you (maybe even more than like) the way you are. Something in you has already attracted them to you.
And looking at "being good enough"? I have no real insight here, as up until recently I have felt that I could never be good enough for someone else. But Silverjade has helped me understand that by being who you are, truly being you, you will be good enough. By being perfectly you, the term being good enough no longer applies, as you are good enough on your own, and for yourself.
In the end, these are in my humble opinion, still just elements in our fear of the unknown and of the change. The change where we cannot see the ending.
I am still struggling with this fear, and learning to cope with it, and accept the changes I cannot control. And accept the changes that might enhance my life, with the risk of being let down.
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