Flight of the Crow

When faced with difficult situations, I tend to find a dark space in my head and hide there. It’s a form of protection. And I am not saying it’s the smartest thing to do, but it is what I do.

Knowing you are in this dark space is one thing. But getting out is another thing altogether. My sister says that when faced with trouble she "chooses" not to be in a dark space. It is a skill I have not mastered yet. I always need an external source to lift me up. This is where I assign a "supernatural" element to random things around me, as a means of escape.

I have always attached this "supernatural" element to crows. At least in my own mind they are special. I always had a sense that if I see a crow, that there is a message in the seeing of the crow. What it is doing, and how it reacts can tell me something about how I feel.

So keeping that in mind, I needed a message a couple of days ago. And I got it.

I understand that logically I saw the message I wanted to see, that there is no supernatural component to what I saw, but I also keep this little tiny spark alive inside me that it could be more than that.

In the sky not far from me, was a standard black crow. But for a couple of minutes I was completely engrossed by its flight. I focused particularly on the movement of its wings. The way it would make slight adjustments in its glide. The way the feathers ruffle and shift with every gust of wind. The tail twisting and accommodating the new direction of wind. Watching this crow balance on a gust of air was a very intimate moment.

In that moment I realised that I am trying to make headway through my situation. As if I am trying to fly into a strong wind. It is tiring without any real forward movement. I should be moving like this crow. I should rise above the winds. I should use it to glide. Any gusts of wind should not disturb my flight, as I can make small adjustments to stay above it. It shouldn't bring me down. I should use it to get above the problem, to see it from a new perspective. Only in this strategy can I have any personal growth.